- You have to scrape a roadkill possum off the church driveway to prepare for the morning service about four times a year.
- Your sermon notes are stained with motor oil encrusted finger prints because you spent all day Saturday working on the church’s riding lawnmower.
- You know exactly which toilets in the church have new flappers and which are due for changing in the next six months.
- At least 12 of your 45 regular attendees have the same last name.
- You have to give your members directions to every widows home because GPS devices don’t work in those areas.
- You can recognize and name the owners of every dish leftover after a dinner-on-the-grounds events or church luncheon (without the names being on the dishes, of course).
- You know the Chairman of the Board’s favorite local fishing hole, lure and the best time of the year to fish at that location.
- Some of your members and their kids gather in the field behind the church for compound and recurve bow target practice to prep for October’s deer season.
- Five of your board members volunteer for overnight church grounds security detail after reports that someone is pilfering and snooping around the church building at night.
- After announcing during a service that a Ford four-wheel drive truck is sitting in the parking lot with its interior dome light on, a third of your congregation exits the building (including the pastor).
- You ask the congregation to follow you on Twitter and no one has a clue what you’re talking about.
- You can still persuade one of the ladies in the church to make rutabagas for you at the annual homecoming celebration dinner.
- Spending time with your church body feels more like being with a family than being at work!